1/3/16

Mod Note (Andy) - We're reposting the top discussions from 2015, this one ranks #12 and was originally posted 10/4/2015.

Mod Note (Andy): See his original post here: "HEY you OCR little f*cks"

all schools are apparently filled with tweedledees and tweedle f*cking dums because all of the atrocities that led to my writing this post's older brother HAPPENED F*CKING AGAIN. im also starting to think that smarter kids are even dumber than their friends at the lesser ivys because the shit i saw and heard (and smelled) was just plain carcinogenic

1. don't f*cking walk in 40 minutes late and then push through the crowd of eager beavers to secure a good spot for mingling time (e.g. RIGHT in front of where we're sitting). don't be that guy at the movies who inconveniences everyone else because you just HAVE TO sit in the god damn middle seat. also, it's hard for whoever's presenting to try and not acknowledge you when your f*cking tank of a backpack just gave some poor kid a black eye. you are a dick. an awkward, clueless, disruptive dick. have fun mingling lol

2. guys, this isn't a f*cking randy dandy fashion extravaganza. do not wear a bow tie or a f*cking vest. cool it on the pink (or purple f*cking satin) shirts. your being the least obnoxious of the bunch is what should make you memorable, not your metrosexual choice of attire. AND GIRLS (all 11 of you) do not wear shit that you'd wear to the club or to a f*cking tea party. just because your dress code is more flexible doesn't mean that you can, like, omg, wear totally whatever tehehe. go put on a skirt suit at the very least, and not one with a skirt that looks like some gravitationally implausible bubble kind of shit

3. do not bring your resume. do not grip a stack of resumes in your hand. do not hand me your resume. what the hell do you think is the point of OCR? upload that shit online, moron. shoving that piece of paper in my face unwarranted just makes it easier for me to recommend your clueless ass for dingapalooza

4. dont go foraging at the refreshments table and proceed to straight up NOSH the entire time we're talking wtf????? that food spread was only ordered because it seemed like the natural thing to do, not because we wanted to provide you with a hearty dinner. are you kids seriously crazy?

5. dont stick your entire head up my ass and then act like a dick to the kids standing next to you. we see that shit and you're done, buddy. if you can't play nice with these harmless babies, it's all but guaranteed that you'll be a total pain in the ass on a late night. so play nice, wait in line, don't cut people off. this isn't f*cking kindergarten. you guys should already know all of this

6. lastly, don't wink wink nudge nudge ask if we're doing anything afterward. you know what we're doing? going home. we're each going to our respective homes to shower and wash off the scent of desperation and urgency that you little f*ckers have straight up RADIATED for the past three hours. even if we WERE to go grab a drink, it sure as hell wouldn't be with you, young stalker. so stop the winking. stop the nudging. i do not want to grab a drink with you; you are 11 years old. isn't it your bedtime already anyway?

Comments (54)

9/30/15

bravo bravo. may you keep doing ocr so you can keep posting about it :)

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9/30/15

I wonder if non-target OCR is the same way haha

9/30/15

Non-Target OCR : Definition of an Oxymoron

10/9/15

Yeah, I went to a non-target school, and OCR there is not from investment banks, period. Actually, only in the past two years have big banks even considered putting an application on my school's career link.

I think the result of this is that the gifted kids at my school ended up shining during the interview process. I will say, however, that getting that interview spot is incredibly difficult because most of the banks tend to fall on their 1980s laurels and stick to the pedigree kids. Everyone I know from my school who made it into the analyst classes over the past 5 years have been extremely successful, most got or are getting 3rd year return offers if they haven't already found a sweet buy-side gig.

9/30/15

Just did OCR on Monday. Too spot on.

9/30/15

this is seriously an Ivy campus?

9/30/15
Scholes:

this is seriously an Ivy campus?

Surprised? Ivy league millenials can be some of the most self-entitled, egoistic yet awkward little fucks out there.

Source: Chairman of a BB firm.

And forgive the inevitable shit-flingers, for they know not what they do.

9/30/15
Bigass_Spider:

Source: Chairman of a BB firm.

Who are you talking about? I'm confused

9/30/15

While I full-heartedly agree with his comment I hope he isn't referring to Lehman or Bear Stearns lol.

10/1/15
M- Weintraub:

Bigass_Spider:Source: Chairman of a BB firm.

Who are you talking about? I'm confused

A chairman at one of the Bulge Bracket firms shared his opinion with me is what it means. Suffice it to say that the C-suite level at some Bulge Bracket firms have a pretty shitty opinion of millennial candidates as a whole....doesn't mean there aren't outliers but there is a reason why it's getting easier to get in with previous work experience.

Best Response
9/30/15

"alright, we will now have some informal networking"

My eyes widen and I sit bolt upright. I can feel sweat beginning to accumulate as I walk toward the front of the auditorium. I wipe my clammy hands on my dad's blazer and feel my throat tighten. The adrenaline has begun to kick in. I can feel my legs tremble and tighten with each step. My elite private high school has prepared me for this, for the real world. My 5'9" frame visibly shakes with anticipation, my breathing now comes in short sputters.

I reach the front of the auditorium.
Here, the chosen son, I take my rightful position among the Gods.

10/1/15

Just great. SBed!

10/2/15
10/2/15

lol that's a good visual aid

9/30/15

This is amazing and on point. Thanks very much for this as it grants me some solace as I try to survive another recruiting season without holding my breath until asphyxiation in the middle of explaining my background for the 7 millionth time.

10/1/15

Next time you go for OCR, make sure you have a sore throat and prepare a recording before the event:
"Hi kids, welcome to my booth! I'm an analyst at ZZZ in IBD. We do ..... Deals are fun. One such deal is..... That's all folks. Drop your resume with me if you are interested." =)

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9/30/15

GeezerOilTrader, is that you?

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw

9/30/15

Hilarious. If I were still in undergrad, I'd think this was a bit harsh, but now that I am on the other side, I can see how annoying I might have been.

9/30/15

I'm in undergrad (albeit at a non-target) and think it is so spot on and hilarious. I mean the whole "put others down and kiss ass to interviewer" happens everywhere in group interviews. It has happened to me when I was 16 during a group interview at a chipotle lol. Although the manager did act like he was doing "god's work" and said "There is no similarity between us and Subway whatsoever!" Talk about a prestige whore.

9/30/15

I made the mistake of reading this while on a call. Thank god for that mute button. I LOLed.

9/30/15

I'd love to work for you. I could even add some capitalization for the words you're not YELLING at me.

9/30/15

And I thought LSE kids were bad.

9/30/15
Valzer:

And I thought LSE kids were bad.

LSE kids are just the worst.

9/30/15
Valzer:

And I thought LSE kids were bad.

there's always at least one hogwarts kid present, but i can't even imagine how annoying it'd be to hear an entire herd's worth of accented whiners asking shit like "lol how come you guys don't use macs" or "walk me through your favorite deal so far" fuck.

10/1/15
KREBSCYCLEOMG:

Valzer:And I thought LSE kids were bad.

there's always at least one hogwarts kid present, but i can't even imagine how annoying it'd be to hear an entire herd's worth of accented whiners asking shit like "lol how come you guys don't use macs" or "walk me through your favorite deal so far" fuck.

Please write a book.

10/2/15
Valzer:

KREBSCYCLEOMG: Valzer:And I thought LSE kids were bad.there'says at least one hogwarts kid present, but i can't even imagine how annoying it'd be to hear an entire herd's worth of accented whiners asking shit like "lol how come you guys don't use macs" or "walk me through your favorite deal so far" fuck.

Please write a book.

+1. Are Brits so annoying?

10/6/15

Why don't you ask the doctor?

9/30/15

Recent grad from non-target, have not really done a lot of OCR but this was hilarious and made my day.

Also have a "friend" from LSE- the worst.

Recent College Graduate

9/30/15

There's always that one kid in the group that acts like y'all are best pals already and will try to over-talk the rest of the kids. Apparently he also has a better life than Dan Bilzerian. Oh you went scuba diving in Hawaii? Well he went swimming with sharks in the Great Barrier Reef. Oh you like to deer hunt? Well he hunts bears in Alaska.

The worst.

10/1/15

Ahhh the ole' one upper... Hate those people.

Greed is Good!

9/30/15

+SB. I love #5 so much. This really is a great assessment. I like seeing kids in OCR that remind me of the Star from "Bank". If a kid at a career fair/info session is being a dick to the others around him, he will feel so self-entitled at his job and instantly think he has earned something just by getting hired.

Finding smart people is easy. Finding smart AND pleasant people is a tad more difficult. Everyone at recruiting will be nice to the recruiters. I will keep an eye on how they treat their fellow classmates next time I'm on campus. Another great piece, thanks for the laugh, but in all honesty, it really is good information.

9/30/15

6/10

9/30/15
Going Concern:

6/10

awwwww what? only 6/10? so... 60%???? 60% = a D... i've never received anything lower than an A- in MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE, EVEN DURING MY STINT AS A ZYGOTE. don't you know i'm special? you can't give me a D!!!!!! what can i do? do you want to see my unofficial transcript? my resume? my personal photo? http://jdemployed.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/S... am not "D" material--i go to a target!!! can i do extra credit? or maybe i can prove myself to you during an informal apprenticeship to take place from May to Aug 2016? sound fair?

9/30/15
  1. I do what the fuck I want
  2. agreed
  3. agreed
  4. I eat whenever the fuck I want
  5. agreed
  6. who the fuck even does that
9/30/15

10/10. Would read again.

"Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America."

10/1/15

"dingapalooza" :-D
Great post, great writing. Thanks for the laugh. Have a banana on me, sir!

10/1/15

I once went to an OCR to shoot the shit with a family friend who happened to be a partner at GS. The young deer gathered around and listen to him tell stories about the exciting things that happen on a trading desk. I am standing off to the side laughing hysterically and getting disapproving looks from the students who were there for the OCR and thought I was making them all look bad. What they couldn't know is that this guy came up from the M&A team and had zero idea what trading was like now or had ever been like. He was feeding them a wide line of baking soda and they were sucking it down like it was pure coke. It was one of the funniest OCR experiences I have ever seen.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

10/2/15

I can't wait until june-august. This guy is going to be the GOAT on these topics! I think it would be hilarious if he did a one-by-one rant of the BBs.

10/2/15

You missed the era when I was one of the .... more interesting posters of this community.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

10/2/15

Your time has come and gone I'm afraid, instead of clinging onto those fond golden-year memories, pass on your sage knowledge

10/2/15

I pass on plenty of knowledge, you just have to know where to look.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

10/1/15

LOL.

10/2/15

ugh......this as as spot on as it gets ha.

I applaud their enthusiasm for sure, and I get where they may be coming from given that I was once in their shoes. However, being on the other side, it is something that becomes a bit cringe worthy when observing. There are folks that hinge on your every word: how I started at the bank, what I do in my downtime, and humourless jokes that apparently pack some serious stand up punch.

When I go to these events for recruiting, I usually end up clicking with the unsuspecting kid in the room who knows his stuff but doesn't cannibalize my personal space. There are usually are a few whenever we go and visit, and that impression is something that always stands out in my eyes.

Career fairs, info sessions, and large events have significantly nonexistent barriers to entry, and the odds of making any impression other than a negative one are minute at best. Just come in, enjoy a few of the refreshments, sit back and keep yourself present in the dialogue, and if time permits, come up and ask me a question that you genuinely might have, rather than something rehearsed to try to impress.

10/3/15

How does one get noticed without coming across as a self-righteous dbag millennial?

10/3/15
vandell2:

How does one get noticed without coming across as a self-righteous dbag millennial?

By being the exact opposite of "a self-righteous dbag millennial."

10/6/15

I remember at OCR recruiting for my school it was mostly juniors and seniors, but as soon as you saw these tool freshmen walk in, everybody noticed and ignored them. Fantastic.

Metal. Music. Life. headofmetal.com

10/6/15

Honestly, it seems like these kids are tools, but OP seems like one as well and @heister friend sounds like the biggest douche.

10/6/15

So being a douche is now how we classify people who are cooler than we are? Sounds like you have a lot of friends.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

10/6/15

I still say 1st round on-campus interviews are WAY worse than the coffee chats/mixers. Nothing is worse than 13 back-to-back half hour interviews where you have to stare at these 1st year MBA's that have almost no hope, listen to them tell you their life stories and what their DCF model driven price targets on XYZ stock are, and why the entire sellside could not possibly uncover whatever golden nugget of truth they have been able to discover in the two weeks since they started researching the company in 15 minute blocks in between study groups.

Once you find the two kids that are passable for 2nd rounds, one of them drops out of the process because s/he's got an offer you can't compete with. The whole experience is painful. Next year I'm going to bring back the 'slightly above average' kids, not the all-stars.

10/6/15

@heister cooler? in what sense? he felt like a big shot and lied to a bunch of kids for shits and giggles. Seems insecure and douchey. But hey, im not a partner at GS so what do I know.

10/7/15

It is an implicit guarantee that he is cooler than you. You are judging someone based on a story that was 3 sentences long. What you seem to have is a huge deficiency in understanding that OCR is almost exclusively bullshit and made up stories to impress young impressionable people, to sucker them into doing a job that is pure hell and the only justification they have for it is "well we pay you a lot of money + LIKE MAN PRESTIGE!!!!". If the people doing OCR were honest about what their lives were actually like they would loose candidates to other industries.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

10/6/15

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10/7/15

Greed is Good!

10/9/15